for my own sins.
i'm relaxed, here,
easy.
why dint i do it before?
why is it so tough?
yes, sins.
burden,
not just mine,
a cultural/culture's burden.
they say
forgiveness is what you ask others..
forgiveness is someone else's mercy..
i can ask God for forgiveness, but how would i know?
and till i'm forgiven,
i'm to burn with guilt.
they say- burning inside with guilt- is the greatest of virtues.
(that shows you are a good human being..)
you are a Hero!
see, the films we know from childhood,
our heros burn with guilt,
most of it, they are not even responsible for.
they pay their father's loan for a lifetime
even without letting anyone else
(including other earning members of the house)
know.
or they raise their father's illegal daughter starving themselves.
sita suffers for Rama's lousiness,
Droupati for her husband's irresponsible behaviour!
and more than anything,
we are taught this is the best way to be.
(words like sacrifice!)
when would someone teach me how to be happy and comfortable with myself?
or
when would someone tell me its ok to be comfortable and not guilty?
so.
i've decided.
i shall forgive myself,
if the world does or doesnot.
i shall love..
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from the conversations
with Hasan
