it was when it all got drowned

the sounds
the footsteps
the rain on the streets
muddy waters

however, how much ever
you try
your feet searches for a pothole
your ear waits for an abuse
your body shrinks
to cross past a raindrop

it was not like me,
i was not like it.

this scared, cautious, angry cat
she looks at me through
my iron window panes

searching.

16-Dec-2008

here,
i don't intend to have a tone of sadness,
a tone of despiration.
can't help it.

two years ago,
the same day my grandmother died.
ever since,
i don't remember being able to
breathe freely.

confused,
fucked up.

and today is the day
i feel i'm not good enough to survive.
i wont be able to do anything with myself.

may be this realisation helps me to happiness.
may be it makes things easier for me,
helps me to expect lesser out of me and my life.

the 39th iffi!

film viewing in goa was not great.
there werent films that strangled me except one or two.

waltz with bashir

awstruck.


blindness

my eyes were open
open to make sure.

wow.

persopolis

i cried watching a film after years
i wished that happens to me everytime i watched a film, yet.

she was like me, i thought,
and her grandma was like mine,
and her life, he love,
like me, like me.

someone says thats not the way i should watch films
i agree.
couldnt help.


autistic disco

that was one which dint have anything
that help you decide where it was going.
felt myself tremble.
background score killed me.

waiting for the sun

laughed a lot
:)


there ends my list.
am sure i missed a lot of films..
was not keen on watching all the time.
got drunk some evening
got talking.

and deliberately avoided 'indian art', iranian, some hollywood.
and wong kar wai had me already.
not specifically proud of this, still.

goa

i wanted to celebrate my new found freedom
i wanted to find new energy
new life
new love

i did
and i did it wonderfully.

(if it was not this you,
if it was not this me )

and i will grow,
am sure of it now.

beer cigarettes
love neon lights
policemen with guns
lust lemon-juice


they looked at us
without any clue
what's happening?
is it supposed to happen?
is it something we are familiar with?
or is it something that has never happened?

is she smoking?
why is she? is she trying to show off?
are they holding hands?
arent they civilised?

no, it was not new to goa,
not at all.

it was just new to people
who left their countries to find
their own countries
anywhere in the world.
it was new to people who were
locked to their mothers
in arms of their own lust

we can't help them.
in fact nobody can.