Saturday, November 11, 2006

mother, mother..

, what does she mean to me?

a long stretched question.

i sit here and doubt,
do i acknowledge her mother-dom
does something like that exist

i dont see her when i search my memories
i dont like/dislike that.
now, she exists in my life,
not as my mother.
someone who is present.
thats all.

is that because of her
is that because of me...

yes,
it is a political question.
what does a relationship mean to you
especially something that depends so much on you.
a child.

if you are claiming your individuality here
are you ready to accept when she/he disown you

i'm asking this
because this is happening to me.
i dont belong to my mother.
i hate it when she puts claims on me

but then, its so hard for her to know that..
so now i have to deal with it.
i have to act.

i dont know.
how will i be if/when i have kids
i dont know
what's right and whats wrong.

if i could
change anything from my past,
if we could take a different turn,mother,
where would that be....

11 comments:

sudeep said...

my mother, and that "beautiful word" mother..

Anonymous said...

I am an orphan. I don't know who my mother is. For people like you who have mothers to rock and cradle you, maybe nature has been too kind. You don't realise its worth.
Today, I am a mother and I give them everything. I know I never had it, but when my daughter asks me how it was to be an orphan, I have hide tears behind.
For Ajitha's daughter, the world is under her foot. Learn, you are Gargi coz she decided to take the pain, she milked you and taught you the first words...and now, how dare you turn against her?

- Bhadra.

Bakar-Junta said...

hmmm

sreejitha said...

how stupid of the comment by the anonymous person to say "you are Gargi coz she decided to..." do so and so.This is something I find very difficult to accept.

sreejitha said...

Too arrogant to say
(and for me too irritating to hear) "For Ajitha's daughter, the world is under her foot".

tabassum said...

When u feel deprived of mother you don't think of the freedom from complexities.GArgi's question needs to be answered with its coplexities in view.
I have heard mothers' saying "i will kill u" to their children and meaning it even if it's momentary.I've seen daughters expresssig pleasure once their mother is beaten in arguments.I've friedns whose life is a mess with the mother;s intevening eyes and lost marital life.
IT is such complexities which goes hidden when u attempt to twart these kind of expression with emotional blackmailing.

tabassum said...

how i would be with my child...how i was and am with my mother...i will go into that detail and(since it is too long)will post it as a new one in growithchildren.blogspot.com

binlak said...

i feel you are going through the similar phase where i was years back darling. my mother used to put claim on me and used to be hysterical when i used to go againsts the wishes of her. me as a child never loved my mother. my decision to leave home for higher studies helped us to understand our relationship better. staying away from her helped both of us to understand each other better as women with various emotions not just as mother and daughter. i also echoe sreejitha's comment and want to add that we need to understand the context in which we are talking about this mother-daughter dynamics. in a society where gendered notion of mothrhood compels mothers to put claim on daughters (i can't blame mothers for this) and many mother-daughter relationship fumes within that complex dynamics. we should start deconstructing the stereotypical notion of mother-daughter dynamics as it is today. your doubts are very valid dear and very important for many mothers and daughters who want to get out of those complex dynamics to see themselves as women with various other possibilities in life.

sudeep said...

Gargi dear, my mom and your mom are not very different.. I feel essentially our experiences are the same. Because we both live in the same society, that asks a mother to do certain things, and expects certain things of a daughter, certain other things of a son..

I disown my mother as much as you disown yours. When I say my mother fed and clothed and cared for us, it does not mean that I have ever been a "mother's child". I always felt detached. As an outsider.

I believe in what Gibran said about children..

"..though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.."

["Children", The Prophet]

If we can realize that and come to terms with it, good. But even if we don't (yes, it is very difficult when there's so much pressure of having to live in a society that thinks otherwise.. Yesterday when I went to creche to drop Aadil, the watchman was insisting his Mother brings him..), we can not turn it the other way..

Sreejitha has written at growithchildren- about what we will "ask back" from Aadil.

A pornographic etc.... said...

Forgive me mother,
Now that i am helpless
To spare my son..(Gluck)

Sobi said...

From childhood to an adult, then again to a vibrant lady, Gargi grew right in front of us - in our neighbourhood .... have seen her through different seasons, colors, moods and shades ....

as and when she wanted, have been there beside her, listening to her .....

Yes, she is right ... At this point of time .. this is how she feels ..... we share her pain and understand how she feels...

but then, would anyone amongst us dare to claim that, he/ she loved / will love, care for Gargi as much as her mother did / does ?
everything said and done ....who else on earth can there be - a better well wisher, than ones own mother ?

Again ...... only matter of time ... for that solemn realisation to sink into ones being .........

From all those who care, wisdom asks for patience .... perseverance .....

both mother and daughter should drop their present perspectives only to seek and rediscover each other again ..

the child desperately craves - for nothing else than her missed motherly love ..........

and if we cared to listen......
we hear the supressed and unexpressed agony of a mother for her child's love ......


sobi