Friday, January 12, 2007

its been so long..

yes,
i dint know what to speak for a long time now.

my grandma died on 16th dec.
thats what happened in my life.
but then..
she left me without a void.
she fills me.
just fills me..

not as memories,
but as a kind of inspiration.
(she'd written in her diary
that was published somewhere
"inspiration is a mere reason
to hide your own emptiness.." )

i agree,
and i agree to this too
that i'm empty.
i need to fill it up.

wanted to write something about her.
she seems vast.huge.unfathomable.
yet.

everyword i feel incapable of holding her.
i'm dying to talk about her.
but the words betray me
or i'm not good with them
i dont know.

and what else.
a slow creepy depression i was in.
i'm out of it.
slowly, again.
gathered and distributed love.
the only solution for depression i suppose.

and yes.
am happy to be back,
happy to be dreaming and doing new things.

i'm not confused anymore.
that if confusion is good or bad
am i a bad person that i dont know what to do...
now i know its ok to be confused.
not atleast confused about that.
soon i'll find out what to do
and immediately find ways out..
changing the modes of confusion..
i'll be happy and confused..

2 comments:

sudeep said...

thanks dear, for writing on her. and thanks again for resuming posts on your blog. hope to hear more from you!

Shyaam said...

Hello Gargi,

Your grandmother indeed was a great lady. I have had the privilege of meeting her in your residence once in 2005. Was searching your blog for a dedicated comment of yours about your Grandmother.