Monday, September 17, 2007

As i decide to forgive myself..

for my own sins.

i'm relaxed, here,
easy.

why dint i do it before?
why is it so tough?

yes, sins.
burden,
not just mine,
a cultural/culture's burden.

they say

forgiveness is what you ask others..

forgiveness is someone else's mercy..


i can ask God for forgiveness, but how would i know?

and till i'm forgiven,
i'm to burn with guilt.

they say- burning inside with guilt- is the greatest of virtues.
(that shows you are a good human being..)
you are a Hero!

see, the films we know from childhood,
our heros burn with guilt,
most of it, they are not even responsible for.
they pay their father's loan for a lifetime
even without letting anyone else
(including other earning members of the house)
know.
or they raise their father's illegal daughter starving themselves.

sita suffers for Rama's lousiness,
Droupati for her husband's irresponsible behaviour!
and more than anything,
we are taught this is the best way to be.
(words like sacrifice!)

when would someone teach me how to be happy and comfortable with myself?
or
when would someone tell me its ok to be comfortable and not guilty?

so.
i've decided.
i shall forgive myself,
if the world does or doesnot.

i shall love..

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
from the conversations
with Hasan

4 comments:

freebird said...

good thought.

Anonymous said...

Can you explain this process of forgiveness. Because like you I too did forgive but over and over, but then nothing really did happen. The mind returns to the state before this act of forgiving, making the forgiving act void. Since you have managed to successfully forgive I would like to know, if possible, the details of how you managed it. How to bring about the act of forgiving. The thought process behind it.

NIKHIL NARENDRAN said...

a quid pro quo "hi" to you.
though u didnt,well i just read the post
i just remmebered somethin, after reading this post
"retrome satan

retome nikhil. she said,
its not time to do it yet
she was eying me down from the castle and yelling

retrome satan, another she said,
for the god shall punish, for cross bound sins

retrome sin,
i said
depreived of my rights
what shall i do, for the sin hasnt transformed"

Denilal said...

me too......